I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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