why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize