why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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