i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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