I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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