I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
