how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
