can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
