saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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