How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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