omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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