i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I faked an abortion last night.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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