Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm like, not good at living.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
