im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
