Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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