I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
