Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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