Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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