I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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