wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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