My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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