I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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