his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
