She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
