Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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