mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
