Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize