I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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