i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So apparently I’m into choking now
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