If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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