she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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