ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
