Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
