Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
