This girl is more easily done than said...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
