I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
