There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
