last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
