haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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