My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
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