Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
