I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Terrible idea I love it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
