Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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