I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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