I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
