That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
