i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
