God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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