Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
