I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I will be naked everywhere
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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