I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
