I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
