I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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