the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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