beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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