that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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