I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
