I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
