the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
