he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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