What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
