Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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