Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dignity is for republicans.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
