So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
