So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
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